Now That I Know by Devendra Banhart Lyrics Meaning – Unraveling the Tapestry of Reflection and Regret
Lyrics
The way it goes
You gotta pay back every penny that you owe
twelve years old
In your mama’s clothes
Shut the blinds and lock up every door
and if you hear
Someone coming near
Just close your eyes and make them disappear now
Years away
Finds me here today
On my own and knowless of my way now
So I send my friends
Gifts from where I’ve been
Something for the hand that’s never there to lend
better keep those eyes
Climbing paradise
And don’t pretend you won’t reach it in the end now
dearest dear
I know you been here
Why’d you run tell me why’d you disappear now
that you’re now
Here with me
Seems to be the only time I can see you clearly
I may not know
How to treat or give you what you need
But I am a gentleman who says what he means now
And now I sing
Upon my knees
And praise the kind ?gives us? a gentle breeze
I’d see that swell
Like a story in me to tell
Told years away and past my baby dying
so you raise them up
To heaven or ways to hell
They’re unaware share to give a hand to help some
Devendra Banhart’s music often feels like a window into a soul in quest of understanding, and ‘Now That I Know’ is no exception. The track, a blend of delicate folk undertones and hauntingly personal lyrics, invites listeners into an intimate reflection on growth, debt, and the complex journey that is life.
Through this intricate ballad, Banhart weaves a tale that is both timeless and deeply personal, perhaps a confession, a meditation, or even a cautionary tale. But to truly grasp the subtleties of ‘Now That I Know’, we must dissect it verse by verse, uncovering the profound truths hidden beneath its serene surface.
The Innocence of Youth and the Inevitability of Debt
Banhart starts with a backdrop of youth, evocatively captured in the image of a 12-year-old child in their mother’s clothes, symbolizing both innocence and the playful imitation of adulthood. But the innocence is soon juxtaposed with a burdensome realization: the debt of life that we inevitably accrue. This debt, which is as much existential as it is financial, paints a grave picture of accountability that extends far beyond monetary value.
The notion of ‘paying back every penny’ echoes through time, creating a Sisyphean cycle of obligation. This sets the tone for the song’s explorations, raising questions about what we owe to ourselves, others, and the passage of time.
Evasive Maneuvers: The Art of Disappearing
There’s a defensive, almost primal instinct captured in the lines that describe hiding and the urge to ‘make them disappear’. It’s a raw depiction of our human inclination to run from confrontation and reality. But this disappearing act is more than just literal—it’s an emotional self-preservation.
Banhart seems to touch on the themes of denial and the lengths we go to in order to avoid facing our demons. Whether those demons are debts, mistakes, or even the looming specter of responsibility, the song suggests that our eyes are often closed to truths that are too hard to face.
The Nomad’s Gifts: Unreachable Bonds and Isolation
The lyrics transition to a place of loneliness, conveyed through the act of sending gifts from afar. These offerings represent attempts to maintain connections that have become tenuous—the ‘something’ for the friend whose hands are ‘never there to lend’. Despite these attempts, the isolation remains palpable, underscoring the sad irony of trying to bridge gaps that may already be too wide.
This poignant symbolism demonstrates Banhart’s knack for capturing the essence of human disconnect, particularly when distance and time erode the bonds we used to rely on. The gifts serve as a metaphor for the one-sided effort to sustain relationships that might have already slipped away.
Paradise Climbed, Reality Met: The Inevitability of Truth
The advice to ‘keep those eyes climbing paradise’ reflects an aspirational pursuit, but the line that follows—’don’t pretend you won’t reach it in the end’—suggests inevitability. The song implies that the truths we seek, or perhaps the consequences we’ve earned, will find us, whether in this life or the next.
It challenges listeners to reconcile their aspirations with their actions, reconciling the dreams of heaven with the harsh truths of hell. The song, thus, acts as a meditation on moral balance and the ultimate reckoning we all must face.
A Gentleman’s Confession and the Ache of Unresolved Farewells
As the song reaches its confessional climax, Banhart acknowledges his limitations in providing what’s needed in a relationship, despite his gentlemanly intentions. It’s a raw acknowledgment of personal shortcomings, and a declaration that truth and intention must somehow mitigate these failures.
The final verses circle back to heartache and loss, hinting at a deeper, hidden meaning behind the song—a narrative of love lost, a person gone, and the lingering question of what could have been done differently. The image of ‘raising them up’ connects with previous motifs about heaven and the choices that lead us to different ends, leaving listeners with a sense of responsibility for the paths they choose.
