Meaning of “hi. (Toxic Gossip Train)” by Colleen Ballinger
Colleen Ballinger is a multi-faceted, YouTube-based entertainer who dabbles in comedy, acting, music, etc. As of this writing a couple of days after the release of “Hi.” on 28 June 2023, her YouTube channel has nearly 8.6 million subscribers.
Ballinger may be better known to some readers as “Miranda Sings”, her comedic alter ego, under which she appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon for instance. And her Miranda Sings YouTube channel concurrently boasts an even more impressive 10.7 million followers.
But that is not to say that Colleen’s career has been all gravy. For the last couple of years, she has been dealing with “accusations of inappropriate relationships with minors and bullying”. And earlier this month said accusations reached a fevered pitch, to the point that now Ballinger has been compelled to respond, in song, via “Hi.”.
THE INTRO (SPOKEN WORD SEGMENT #1)
And it’s interesting because this track, which features Colleen singing over only a ukulele which she plays herself, opens with the vocalist arguing that “a lot of people are saying some things about (her) that aren’t quite true”.
She then follows that statement up by noting that, in the grand scheme of things, the truth or falseness behind such allegations “doesn’t matter… as long as (they’re) entertaining” to the public or as she puts it, “to you”.
And that’s an interesting position for the vocalist to take for a couple of reasons. For instance, she’s seemingly implying that those who have been captivated by all this drama are in league with her accusers. Secondly, this is a stance that we actually come across quite regularly in song, i.e. celebrities noting how fans not only derive entertainment from their success but also their downfall.
THE CHORUS OF “HI. (TOXIC GOSSIP TRAIN)”
That then brings us to the chorus, where we find the subtitle of the track, “toxic gossip train”. What the nature of this metaphor is apparently meant to symbolize is how, like a locomotive, “misinformation”, “manipulation” and “rumors” tend to pick up a momentum that can’t be stopped, if you will. Or at least that’s how Ballinger seems to feel concerning the controversy currently surrounding her life.
“All aboard the toxic gossip train
Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
The toxic gossip train
You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station
Toxic gossip train
Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past
Those rumors look like facts if you don’t mind the gaps
I won’t survive in the crash, but hey
At least you’re havin’ fun”
SPOKEN WORD SEGMENT #2
And with that in mind, this song is pretty direct. In other words, usually when musicians address personal controversies in song, they’d do so in an indirect or veiled manner. But this track/video is a YouTube-based initiative, and Colleen comes off as being quite frank. For instance, she admits that her “team has strongly advised” that she doesn’t speak publicly on the matter. However, she found a loophole in that instruction by rather opting to sing about it.
And as explained by the narrator, this all dates back “many years ago” to when Ballinger decided to interact with her fans directly.
She points out that she didn’t do so “in a creepy way”, i.e. to exploit them or anything like that. Rather, Colleen approached these interactions with a humble spirit, “trying to be besties with everybody”.
And along those lines, Ballinger feels as if her interactions with fans were awkward or “weird” on her part. Or let’s say in context that she goes about further implying that she didn’t approach such communications with a predatory or conceited disposition but rather painting herself as the opposite, i.e. someone who is naively friendly.
VERSE 1 OF “HI. (TOXIC GOSSIP TRAIN)”
In the first verse, the vocalist proceeds to depict herself as who she is, which is a long-standing and prominent internet personality. Once again going back to the idea of Colleen being naïve, as relayed she was in fact so ‘in the beginning of her career’, i.e. interacting with fans, who are indeed strangers, as if they were people she knew personally.
But as time progressed Ballinger eventually – and presumably very recently – came to realize that such a modus operandi isn’t ideal, and that maybe she should stop ‘oversharing’ personal aspects of her life. But then, she goes on to further argue that in the grand scheme of things doing so, i.e. publicizing your private life, isn’t particularly interesting to the world at large.
So that once again brings us back to the chorus / thesis sentiment, which now comes off as more explicitly stating that people are saying bad things about Colleen simply because we, as human beings if you will, prefer gossip.
SPOKEN WORD SEGMENT #3
After the second chorus we are once again treated to a spoken word segment in this track which is, to note, quite lengthy (i.e. its associated video clocking in at 10:20 in length).
Premise-wise, the passage can be taken as Colleen acknowledging that she has made mistakes along the way, as she reportedly did upon first being criticized due to the way she communicated with a particular minor.
But her response can also be interpreted in a way as a criticism of cancel culture, in that she puts forth that mistakes are something to be learned from in the name of ‘growth, change and becoming a better person’, rather than to be punished for. Or viewed from a different angle, it’s as if Ballinger is saying that the way people responded to what she actually did, not what she’s been falsely accused of, is extreme.
VERSE 2 OF “HI. (TOXIC GOSSIP TRAIN)”
And that sentiment segues us into the second verse. Colleen has come to realize that her most-vociferous critics are not doing so in the name of her personal development, if you will. Rather, it’s as if they have a genuine hatred for the entertainer and are trying to ‘ruin her life’ accordingly. And she accuses others, of course, of using the drama for clickbait, a notion implied earlier in the song but more explicitly stated in this second verse.
SPOKEN WORD SEGMENT #4
As such, Ballinger is already anticipating the backlash she will receive due to posting this very track/video. She’s confident that some people are going to use the opportunity to say some negative things about her, such as accusing Colleen of being manipulative, “a narcissist and a rat”. But her response to such allegations is that she doesn’t possess those types of characteristics at all.
VERSE 3 OF “HI. (TOXIC GOSSIP TRAIN)”
In the third verse Ballinger takes a different approach to confronting her haters, by rather painting them as being self-righteous, i.e. the type of people to criticize others while concurrently not being able to perceive their own faults.
She then proceeds to mock those who expected her apologize instead of defending herself. Or to reiterate, Colleen is sorry for the mistakes she made but refuses to admit to those she didn’t just to placate the masses.
VERSE 4
The fourth verse is perhaps the deepest of the entire track. And what it speaks to, with the narrator using her own situation as an example, is how easily keyboard warriors can go about destroying the reputation of other people without facing any repercussions themselves.
SPOKEN SEGMENT #5
At this juncture, Colleen Ballinger finally mentions her more-popular “Miranda Sings” alter ego. She does so in the name of alluding to her content having always been PG-13 in nature.
Or put otherwise apparently, some of the stuff she posts online can be taken as appealing more to an adult audience than children. Or as one analyst pointed out, Ballinger is in fact a celebrity with two completely-different personas.
VERSE 5
So the way the beginning of the fifth verse reads is as if Colleen has always made a conscientious effort not to specifically advertise to kids. Certain parts of this song, such as the beginning of the forth verse for instance when Ballinger speaks in the third person, are reminiscent of Eminem’s artistry.
And so it is with the onset of the fifth verse also, where the vocalist basically proceeds to argue that it is parents’ responsibility, not her own, to regulate what type of media their children consume, which is a stance that Slim Shady also (in)famously espoused back in the days.
That said, Ballinger then goes on to once again admit that she has done some “dumb” things, in “poor taste”, in the past. Colleen also lets it be known that it saddens her when fans feel as if she has let them down. But with all of that being acknowledged, she’s not out to manipulate anyone, as she has been accused.
SPOKEN SEGMENT #6
The sixth spoken segment revolves around the vocalist trying to seek sympathy, in a manner of interpretation. Or put otherwise, she’s letting it be known that it is indeed a f*cked up feeling “to have millions of people all over the world” saying nasty things about her.
So as Ballinger puts it, she has already been judged. That is to say that she’s convinced that such people aren’t even genuinely concerned with whether she’s actually guilty or not. Instead they’re more inclined to believe the negative, which in this case would be that the narrator “manipulates and abuses children”.
VERSE 6 & SO ON
By this point, it’s safe to say that if a listener isn’t intimately familiar with Colleen Ballinger / Miranda Sings or really into the drama currently surrounding her career, they would probably lose interest in the song. It seems as if the vocalist is over-defending herself.
Or put alternatively, you’d have to have some type of in-depth knowledge of the drama at hand to remain compelled for this long. It’s almost as if Ballinger didn’t create this piece for a general audience but rather her fans and critics in particular.
So after the sixth verse we are met with three more spoken segments, as well as an outro and a re-rendering of the chorus. But to make a long story short, the argument remains the same. And that would be Ballinger believing bad jokes, less-than-ideal communications and etc. committed on her part are being blown out of proportion.
Or let’s close by saying that she has been internet active all the way since 2006 and has experienced a lot more success on that platform than most users, making millions of dollars and achieving celebrity status in the process.
But now, after such an amazing run, Colleen is forced to contend with one of the major downsides of being famous. And that is once people make scandalous accusations about you, whether true or not they’re bound to go viral. So if nothing else, it’d be interesting to see where all this drama leads, as it doesn’t particularly appear as if it’ll be ending anytime soon.
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